Crossroads

Never have I ever felt this way before. Currently, there is a dilemma within me. Abandon all you know and go onto an unexplored path, or just do what you do. Currently I get paid less than minimum wage for 0 work. Which doesn’t sound too bad to many, but it’s quite bothersome, and no, this is not the kind of suffering I’d normally enjoy.

What is it with the main character(oftentimes yourself) always finding himself at some crossroads where one path leads to fuckall and the other is a comfortable life. I think I could be asking questions and just answering “I don’t know” all night. It would be a hella long night. Don’t think anyone wants to read that, not even me that is writing it.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I feel as if I am struggling.

The word “I” has been used 4 times in that paragraph. I hate me.

It happened again.

Learn to tell a story without being egocentric.

That is an odd problem inside my head.

But this is MY blog.

Anyways. This has been the closest that I have been to a depressed state in the past few years. Everything is coming crashing down and to be honest… things aren’t even that bad. There is this stupid ass job that I treat as a stipend that pays, there are people I care for that care for me, there is a big opportunity lined up, there is another opportunity lined up. But there is something within me that just wants none of that to be there. Making decisions is hard. Maybe that is what differentiates people. Decision-making. Writing and thinking about this has made me a bit sad. I thought about myself as a kid today.

I miss him.

I wrote to him a couple of times, don’t think he ever received my letters.

Being happy to me - happens in phases. Right now it’s not one of them. God. Can someone make a decision for me?

There are so many questions I’d ask.

I feel as if I want to combust.

it feels different when you write and know that someone is reading. Maybe you say something different.