Wonders

Title

I mostly write when I’m tired, I don’t remember a single time when I was writing and I wasn’t in a state similar to melancholy. Maybe that is a sign of something more sinister going on behind the prefrontal cortex… Never mind that.

To explore a piece of conscience one must wonder and wander, ask questions, prod, reach, I think I am doing exactly that, having embraced this new persona as my own I think I feel a lot more at home now, and I think that is truly a wonder, there was a lot of experimentation to be done to achieve this. I started reading books more steadily, on the bus, on the train, in the car, I started caring less about what people think of me, and I started talking to random people more, and I think that is wonderful.

Although I am tired, I am happy with who I am now, it is not always going to be pretty, but it’s always going to be full of wonder.

Thats magical in itself, being able to say you are happy with who you are. It was a long journey. I know where I want to go and who I want to be in a sense, it’s just going to take a while to get there and that is okay, as long as the journey is full of wonder and discovery, it is always going to stay beautiful, there is a sense of aesthetic in everything that I am doing now, I always aim to make it beautiful. At least to me, in my mind’s eye, to make it look… whole.

Perhaps leaving things with my mark is a small reflection of my childhood on my current life. Perhaps not. I have not thought about it. I don’t think that presumption is far off. What I do now is that it’s my aim to make things more of my own, make the world a bit more of my own.