Travels
The big idea
This year was special in many ways, got to travel a bit, see different citiese, cultures, but my most important adventure happened at the time of my birthday this year, from 15th of august to 18th, I got to really experience and feel what it’s like being new somewhere foreign and being there for the experience. My adventure took me to Bulgaria, not really far but far enough to not be at home and if something goes wrong I am completely alone with no one to help me, that’s a scary feeling. that feeling knows how to crawl under your skin, the moment you get into trouble all you can think is, “this is all me”. I got used to it with a bit of time and practice, every time I got confused I started talking to random people around me, I think that connected me to them, my confusion, also the fact that people tell me I got the stare of a sheep before slaughter also helps.
But why did I go to there all alone for my birthday? Isn’t there a better way to spend a birthday than being drunk in a city where no one knows who you are? Yea. I’d argue so. There were so many alternatives but I just decided to go with this cause I felt in life I was babied too much, people always tried to insulate me, so my great idea was: go out there and live it. all alone, purely by yourself, that’s the best way you can really experience who you are, what your instincts say, do you wanna see a giant ancient communist building or stare at cyberpunk-neon lights all night. Maybe you wanna sleep all night, or do coke, either way not my thing. Always been somewhere in the middle, feeling like this has been a big turning point in my life. I went somewhere, got lost, got found, almost got arrested, talked to some people(casino security at 3 AM while making fun of hookers).
Why does this matter? Why am I telling you all this? Because I feel as if it is beautiful. going to a place with no plan in sight, just knowing a couple of things, me and my brother have planned a trip to a mountain here and I haven’t even looked at the plan, some might call me careless and reckless, but I prefer to say I’m fun. Recently the thing I noticed about my writing is I have reduced using “I” so much. I think that could be attributed to my travels, got to realize how small the “I” actually is. The world really showed me how small and unsignificant I actually am, and that feeling really comforts me, it means to me that nothing I do actually carries all that much weight. I can just go ahead and do whatever. No one will care. That’s beautiful in a way.
Next time I’ll go farther, somewhere where people don’t understand the language I speak, somewhere where their buildings do not look like the ones I know. Somewhere even my thoughts are foreign.
I didn’t plan on writing. I am too busy. Too stressed to write. My prefrontal lobe is signaling that to me, but last night something very special happened to me, someone told me they read what I write, that made me feel something special on the inside, not the feeling of “I have a fan!” but the feeling of I have been able to make someone interested in what I have to say through my words alone”. So I dedicate this article to them.