Thursday
Just more of the same
Woke up at around 7:30-ish, not that much different from my usual routine, apart from the fact I fell asleep at 4:15, still, there is no feeling of overwhelming exhaustion or regret from last night. I have learned to embrace myself, live with who I am. That’s showing maturity in a way.
It’s the new year. Yet nothing really has changed, just flipped over the calender, people often like to cope as if this is the year it will all change, alas most people never do. Somehow something makes me sceptic of the concept of “changing” yourself. You can only be more you, or less, depending on what you need at the current time. If you have failed to make a change in your day-to-day life on june 13th, what makes january 1st any different?
Interim. As I am writing, I do not feel exhaustion, yet the effect of alcohol on my body is clearly present and my head feels like a scrambled egg when it is supposed to form a coherent sentence. This is the first one of the year, please do not mind it.
You can be anything, you’re as moldable as play-dough, it is often odd for someone to change beyond their natural given psychological-physical limits, for example; I am not particularly social. No amount of alcohol will make me into a party animal. That’s just not me, my energy does not align with it. Maybe that’s okay, maybe it’s not, again I am not particularly sure. I have learned not to mind it. But can I learn to be one? Maybe? But that would be artificial. Systemic. There isn’t anything wrong with that per se, but it would just be odd, and what’s worst of all, it wouldn’t be me. Alas it’s still just another wednesday and now it’s just another thursday morning.
New year new feelings?
Most often it’s “new year new me”, but as I said before there could never be a new you that’s not at the same time the old you, just a facade. What about in this new year we get to experience new things we have never thought we could, such as the feeling of security, crazy. At this point I am just rambling, I said what I wanted to say about 150 words ago.
I wanted this to be my new year of the diary, to expand and complicate it further, as of now my diary sits at 58 notes, with about 13_000 words, which is kinda absurd when you think about, “Little prince” has about ~15_000, in about 2_000 I could write a small novel. I still enjoy writing and reading so much, hope this year expands upon that even further.