Tests
Things I do not really care about
In approximately 9 hours I will be taking an exam, and in 12 hours I will be taking another one, and in 15 hours another one. That is 3 exams in the span of 6 hours. I do not enjoy that tempo of play, I mean it is fun but rather pointless. Seeing as I have had 0 exams during the past 9 months. These 3 feel pointless, since they are made to be like some sort of final test, I do not have many exams left and all the ones I have still count towards my scholarship. But that still doesn’t make me want to care. Why is that?
Let’s think about why things matter to us, why things matter to me, I cannot speak for everyone. Things matter to me because they make me feel like, myself, a new piece of technology brings me one step closer towards that inner child that just wanted to press buttons on a screen but never did. Writing a new paper feels like that crazy scientist maybe didn’t do all that work in vain. Passing difficult exams makes me feel like I have accomplished another great goal of climbing on top of the pyramid I laid the groundworks for 3 months ago. But this time I did not. This time all of the exams will be taken in the span of 3 weeks. It doesn’t feel right. Usually you go to class, talk to people, talk to your professors, enjoy your time, eat at the cafeteria, exchange ideas. And on that final day, you all take the exam. Kind of like completing a picture. This time there was none of that, I feel robbed of the experience. Some might call me selfish seeing the situation, but I do not particularly care.
I have my own system of belief, and I value academics a lot. I just enjoy attending, listening, applying. Maybe some other people enjoy doing something else, but this is me. I have lost the experience, thus I lost the purpose. I still know who I am and my goals.
But now I am forced to complete something without a purpose. I will complete all the exams, I have no issue with that, but it will be a sad, grueling experience which has had the joy sucked out of it.
I do not like being sad, not anymore. I want to be happy. And most of all, I do not like to be forced to do things.