Isolation
Isolation period
Throughout history, many nations have felt the need to self isolate. Nothing good comes from isolation. You cannot get better in a vacuum. It simply doesn’t work, no nation has gotten anything from focusing on itself and just building buildings in their own yard.
So why do I feel the need to do it?
The compulsion. The desire to be alone. Mind you I do not want to be feel alone. I just want to be.
(Did I just compare myself to a nation???) The thing is, being alone can bring benefits. But it requires the skill of being able to balance not going mad and the ability to stay on your path. You have to appreciate the challenge. Delve too deep and you lose yourself, delve too shallow and you gain nothing.
Why am I talking about all of this? What is the purpose of this post?
Recently I had the… misfortune of going out(not one of my favorite activities nor something I’m very good at. Maybe this is the problem.). And you know how things go on, I go out, few drinks, blah blah, next thing you know, I’m sitting alone by the river just reminiscing and thinking if I should throw myself into the cold river. I never decide to do so because… I do not think I need to die yet. But I have to admit! Last night was the night where those thoughts did occur the most often. I really thought about that river. Ended up going home at 4 AM. What about this sounds so horrible that it made me want to write this god awful post (I am asking a whole lot of whys in this one.)?
It’s the fact that I had a realization last night, in the club (a very profound place), a thought occurred to me. Do you really belong in here? That question echoed in my mind (might think its imposter syndrome). The verdict? Nah, my mind has itself set on the fact that it doesn’t belong there.
So where do I belong? I dunno. Still can’t tell. Think I’m going insane.