Expectations
Pressure
Do you ever get used to the pressure? I don’t think so. The human doesn’t really adapt, he just overcomes in my mind, you can never really escape what you are, even if you are in a debilitating situation the situation doesn’t ever get less debilitating for you, but over time you just get a bit more… how would I say, efficient in it, that doesn’t mean adapted, you just now know what you didn’t before. Adaptation is more of a generational thing. Maybe you developed something in your DNA that makes you less susceptible to the hardship. I feel I got that in me. The anterior midcingulate cortex (aMCC), or the part of the brain designed to help you overcome difficulties, is that something which can grow? Definitely. The brain is… plastic (oh the irony.). With pressure, in personal life, in business side of things, I think you just learn to embrace it, go with it, play along as the stakes go up, you never really get used to it, it just wears you down over time, and I feel like the people who say they’ve gotten used to it are just waiting for it to go away so they can break down, it’s like those structures in mechanics where they are held down by their own internal stresses, and when those internal stresses go, poof. I think I fall down under pressure a lot. That has been a lot on my mind recently. Every time there was a prolonged period of me needing to exert effort I have been moderately successful, right up until the last couple stretches, I just can’t. I break down, I read ten chapters of the book I quit on the eleventh. Why? I ask myself the same thing. I am still not very good at answering these types of questions. I still have much to learn about my own psychology and my own brain. I have been practicing, deliberately going the extra mile in that regard but still, I have a couple more chances to prove myself until I come to the conclusion on who I really am. Am I a choker or just lazy. We will see.
Privilege
I heard something very inspirational on this topic, usually people put a bad name on expectations, saying they’re bad for you, how you shouldn’t really expect things because that leaves room for disappointment. After reading something online I am starting to take a look at it differently, it said something like, “Expectations aren’t a burden, they’re a privilege, because it could be worse, no one could expect anything at all”. That hit. People have been expecting a lot from me my whole life, to be honest I kinda disappointed them at stages. Then they stopped expecting, but I don’t think I ever forgave myself for what I did, and so that gave me the motivation to keep on working and now, people expect things from me again and the perspective I’m taking is that it’s because in me there is something valuable worth nurturing and taking care of.
I think at points in my life I’ve confused failure with identity, I thought I’ve missed the question, but fact of the matter is, I’ve missed the point.
I dedicate this writing to someone who’s taken a lot of time and energy to put pressure on me.