Direction
The schizosphere
Been feeling a bit lost to be honest. They say no wind is favorable if you don’t know where you are headed. I got lost. Think I had it all figured out up until now. There are some things I know for sure. I want to win. Whatever that means. I also know I am not destined to stay “here” wherever here is. There is something drawing me to just go out and explore and get lost. The more sitting and thinking I do, I get to that conclusion all the more.
The plan.
Crafted a plan not long ago, in collaboration with a couple of people I know, I wanted to go for my masters at TUB, Technical university of Berlin, it’s grand in scale and in prestige. There’s a bit of fear in my heart about every single aspect of that plan. Don’t know if I’m ready for something like that. Don’t know if I want it enough. The thing that aches me the most is the “world” that I have built here has me as the prime successor to many roles here. But I don’t want it. I don’t think I do at least. All of my idols have left me, I now feel alone here.
When I first enrolled I had so many idols, everyone was so much better than me, now that they have left, or I have outgrown them, I am sad. There are no more worlds left to conquer, that makes me ache too, there is still growing to do…
I decided to leave. And I made it my mission to do so. I will do everything in my power to do so.